December 22nd 1997 our son Colin was born, but he had died the day before. A night earlier I woke because my baby was getting ready to be born. A few hours later the contractions had stopped, and at about eleven I realised I hadn't felt a single kick all morning. We called the obstitrician for a check up, but all he could find was that our baby did not live any more. We went to the hospital with some silly hope that the gyneaologist would find out every thing was ok. But no. We really lost our second son. In december 1996 I had a so called missed abortion when I was 17 weeks pregnant. After a tensed pregnancy it was such a shock to realise we had lost our baby again. Only this time docters, family and friends admitted our loss. We got help from a very good psycologist in dealing with this big loss. And I found an dutch email group of women who had lost their baby. At the moment during the year I can deal with it. Those merry december days are difficult each year, but we try to give Lisette (14) and Justin (6) nice memories of that time of the year.